Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
