I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
