Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
