Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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