Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
