Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Someone shit on the floor
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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