bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
