The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
