please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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