Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
