yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize