Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
