P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
