I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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