those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
