i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
