i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
