1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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