oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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