My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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