I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
