I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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