After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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