the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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