you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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