he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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