you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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