i will never coherently bang her
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
