my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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