why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
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