I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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