Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
