So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
