Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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