my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
