I hate your face
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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