hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
