my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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