i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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