So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize