Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I think my vagina is haunted
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
