Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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