if you like me you must not know who I am
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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