Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
