just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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