the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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