She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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