She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
