Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
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For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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