you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
