3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
