Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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