i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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