I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
