I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
