Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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