There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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