I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
