Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
People in love make me want to vomit
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
