I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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