I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
