hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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