I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
