He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
try to milk me bitch
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