There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
