i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
