He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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