Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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