fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
