Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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