You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
