He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
