you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
