He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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