I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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