Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
