Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
