How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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